Bonjour tout le monde ♡ (Hello everybody!)
It's 6am in France on a week day, and I'm not sleeping as usual. My mind just cant ever shut down and leave me alone, no matter how tired my body is, it has no off button. I've been thinking of a million ways to start this blog, but I think there is no better way than to just randomly write what's in my crowded mind as it is: raw, strange, kinda messed-up, extremely complicated and contridactory but just ME. Because this is what I want this blog to be about, putting the infinite flow of thoughts I have on paper, about any subject, and sharing them as they are with you, hoping you'll may share yours with me too.
I don't even know where to start (introducing me, I mean) because I'm kind of everything and its opposite at the same time, and I don't really know who I am myself :) So let's start with the base:
My full name (well only my first names, I wont give my last name for safety reasons) is Héloïse Aurore Cassandra, I am 17 years old, I was given birth on Halloween 1996 in Cannes (South of France) by the most beautiful, smart, caring, sweet, thoughtful, loving, young 25 years old (at the time, but she still looks like she is) woman in the world. I had to include my mom in my introduction because I wouldn't be me without her and she's been saving my life every single day since she gave it to me.
(Baby Héloïse only aged 1 month old ,then 6 months old and my BEYOND gorgeous mom: the strongest love in this world)
I was born with a very rare and important digestive systeme misfunction that wasn't spotted during the pregnancy and not even at my birth. I was a few months old when they found out I only had 3 hours left to live, and I had to go through, as a tiny poor little baby, 7 huge stomach open surgeries to save my life, followed by 11 other chirurgical interventions soon after. I am what you can call a survivor :)
I've been suffering ever since from the complications of this malformation, my digestive systeme won't work properly on its own if I don't take a huge amount of a disgusting medication EVERY single night (since I was a child). I have very intense and painful stomach pains on a daily basis, i'm always nauseus and have terrible headaches. Sometimes, despite the medication, my systeme digestive still won't work and I have to go to hospital for other painful interventions and sometimes another surgery. I also have fibromyalgia, migrains, huge sinus problems and plenty of other really annoying little health problems to add to the big one. I also have the weakest immune system and will catch all the virus in the air. So basically I am ALWAYS sick. I never want to talk about my sickness a lot because I don't want it to let it define me. All my life I've only be known as the "sick girl. My health condition has been ruining my life and so many opportunities and still is today unfortunately. I'm not saying my sickness isn't a HUGE part of me and of my life, because it definitely is and it will always be, but i'm so much more than that. I'm not a sick girl, I am just me, Héloïse (with a sickness, indead, what can I do about it?)
Writing has always been one of the things I liked the most. When I was 4 years old I remember dicting the words of a story I made up to my grandma, she wrote them down and I draw the "illustrations" (ridiculously ugly but adorable drawings) and this is how I created my first book (then I beg my grandma to send it to an editor, believed her when she said she did, and was SO upset that they wouldn't want to publish it haha) Then at age 7/8 I was writing 100 pages books (it was basically some pale copies Harry Potter to be honest, I was completely obsessed, Harry Potter is my entire childhood) and I remember how proud my family was of me, and how proud I was of myself, and for the first time I felt like I was really good at something and I will never forget this feeling.
I always had an endless imagination and a really open mind, that's what I like the most about me.
(Age 8, reading Harry Potter, as always- HP are the books that started and developed my love of reading)
(I was a really loud, cheeky, sassy and crazy child around my family, too bad I was not like that in school)
I had a really hard childhood and writing, along with reading, music, movies have always been my escapes. And still are today. I am interested in everything, even though art in all its forms, has always been my favorite area. I'm not the kind of girl who has a favorite kind of music, of books, of anything... I can't ever chose because there is almost always something that I love in everything. I never HATE. I always TRY. I can't understand people who for -dumb example- only loves punk music, only listens to THIS and nothing else, and will automatically judge every other kinds of music (or people that listen to them) as lame or "not their thing" when they didn't even give it a try. If I love a song, I love it, no matter by who it is, no matter what genre is it, as long as it makes me feel something. I can love very cheesy pop songs, jazz, classic, rock, rap, r'n'b, indy etc etc.. ANYTHING. I can't imagine ever being stuck in just one category. Just deciding that I am something, never trying anything else and stucking myself forever in a case. I want to experience the most I can, I want to try the most I can. If you don't try new things, then how you'd figure out what you like and who you are ?
I am just passionate. And endlessly, insatiably curious. I want to see the world and its endless diversity. I am interested in everything. So this is why I decided to name my blog after my favorite quote EVER, that I think describe me PERFECTLY:
"I have no special talents, I am just passionately curious"
Albert Einstein
(me in Roma in October 2013, my last travel. Travelling is my favorite thing is the world, I love to discover new cultures, try new food, see all the monuments, works of art, all the streets, experience the life of the different neighborhoods)
It has always been easier for me to write than to talk. I am morbidly anxious, insecure and shy. Especially in the social department. Talking to someone, even to a waiter is a world to me and gives me so much stress. I was always all alone at school as a child and rejected by the other kids. I coudn't talk to them and I had no friends because I was too different, mature, shy, weird.. So I was always inventing those beautiful imaginary worlds in my head that I could escape to.
(two of my favorite pictures of me as a child)
3 years ago, at the beginning of a r
eally lonely period of my life (that I'm still in currently) when I definitely quitted school in 10th grade for multiple reasons (health, anxiety, school phobia, bullying..), I started a
youtube channel:
http://youtube.com/user/TheHeloiseSD . The purpose was t
o improve my english, but I mostly wanted to make myself some new friends and talk to people because I was (and still am) totally isolated. I never thought I would have any views or responses but the
feedback I get was incredible and I met
the most amazing human beings from ALL OVER THE WORLD, all the countries, the continents, all speaking different languages and it's definitely
one of the most enriching experiences I ever had. I've talked to (and
became friends with a bunch of) the sweetest, most thougthful persons that did care about me, and, even though we were miles and miles apart,
were going through the same things as me and were understanding me. I felt less alone. Actually, they were here to help me in the hardest times when nobody in real life was. I also l
earned so much about the cultures of other countries, the difference between mine and theirs.. It's like
travelling a bit everyday! (and also my english improved SO SO much those last 3 years, by talking to english speaking people everyday through social medias)
As I love writing so much, and reading other people blogs, I decide I could give it a go too. As, with all that's going on in my life, it's hard for me to film youtube videos as often as I would want to, writing would be easier to me, a good alternative so I could continue to share my experiences with you. I want this blog to be about everything and nothing! I could talk about my personnal experiences (whatever I -and you- would like to, for example: anxiety, bullying, school, sickness, teenagers stuffs etc etc) so if you guys go through the same things, it could help (or not at all) and you could write me down in the comments YOUR personnal experience or your own vision/opinion on the subject and we could share advices and communicate. This is my favorite thing in the world: when people comes to me saying "I am going through the same thing as you (then explained me their own experience) and it helped me a lot, thank you". It's the best feeling, and the only time I feel useful.
But I don't want this blog to be only about serious stuffs! I also am a beauty passionate ( I have a makeup obsession) and I love fashion! I would love to post makeup reviews, outfits posts etc etc!
I could link this blog to my youtube channel, for example: if I do an outfit of the day video, I will post pictures and the details here, If I do a makeup video, I'll comment it and post pictures of the look here, if I do a video about a serious subject like anxiety, I will also write a developed article about this topic on this blog... Well, I think you get what I mean haha !
But it will also be my personnal blog, where I could just write my thoughts of the moment, post my pictures of the day, documenting a travel I did or good moment I lived (it it ever happens, my life is just too boring haha)
Basically this blog has no special subjects or purpose. It's just MY blog, about everything that I like, as random as I am! It would be like my own little world, my diary; my ESCAPE. And it can be yours too, if you want to talk about anything that is heavy on your heart you can write it down here to me (anonymously if you want) and I promise I'll be there to listen, care, help and never judge.
I hope you'll like the thoughts that's coming out this little complicated head of mine and that you will follow me on this whole new journey as you followed me so kindly on my previous ones!
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I love you and remember that no matter who you are, where you are, no matter if we don't know each other by any means, if you need a friend I am always HERE!
Million de bisous (millions of kisses), HSD ♡
If you want to talk to me, find me on:
Twitter: @HeloiseSD (i'm always on here, never hesitate to tell me anything, let's be friends!)
Instagram: @HeloiseSD
(couldn't introducing me without including a picture of my amazing family, I have the best family in the world, they are all I have, my best friends, my reason to be, my world, my EVERYTHING)
(my cousin Tess, that I call my sister because she really is to me, we've been basically raised together as a kid then lived together for 7 years before she moved out last September)
(BUT, then, I officially became a big sister after 15 years of being an only child, when this angel named Hadrien was born in December 2011. His birth changed my life and perspective of things. and even though he lives so far away from me at my dad's and I don't get to see him so often, I love him more than anything)
